May 255 min read

Responsiveness in Friendship

Updated: Jun 22

Have you ever had moments when you immediately knew, “I should not have said that” or, “I should not have done that?” Maybe your delivery was less than what you would have been proud of as a professing Christian. You may have even later realized the manner in which you responded to a particular friend or situation was such that it made you feel embarrassed, ashamed, or left with regret. Ladies let’s be honest with one another. Despite our best attempts or intentions, we do not always deliver the best responses in the way we relate to one another in our friendships. All of us have had those moments we wish we could take back or get a do-over.

In Colossians 4:5-6 (NIV) we are given this advice, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

What is striking to me about this passage is that it speaks to how we should engage and respond to outsiders. If this is the standard in dealing with perfect strangers or people who are not Believers, then how much more should we be practicing this as Sisters of Faith who are in godly fellowship with our friends?

Responsiveness in our friendships matter because it is the way we convey our heartfelt feelings and genuine concern for others. If we want our friendships to flourish, we will need to be deliberate in our responses. Here are three ways we can practice responsiveness in friendship.

1. Support - The first way we can demonstrate responsiveness in friendship is to respond with support to our friends. Specifically, offering emotional support at key moments and on an ongoing basis. This is important in the mundane movements of life just as much as when our friends are experiencing grief, trauma, or crisis.

We all go through various stages over the course of our life and are constantly navigating the ebbs and flows each season brings. What is equally true is our need to maintain meaningful connections with other women and receive the support God divinely orchestrates through them to be a blessing in our lives.

Likewise, we should each endeavor to be the same kind of friend who offers support to others. Hebrews 13:16 (NIV) tells us, “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” When we display responsiveness in our friendships through supporting one another, this pleases God.

2. Show Up - One of the best and most important ways we can evidence sensitivity through responsiveness in friendship is to show up for our friends when they need us most and when it matters most. Even if we do not always know what to say or what to do, we can still offer the ministry of our presence.

In the very beginning of the book of Job, his friends got this right (although later on, scripture reveals they lost sight of this sentiment). In Job 2:11 (NIV), it says, “When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.”

Sometimes, the only thing that is necessary, and the best thing we can do is just show up to be present for our friends. Show up in good times, fun times, happy times, sad times, difficult times, hard times, sad times, special times, ordinary times…because they all create memories that are gifts to our friends for future times to come. The ministry of our presence offers a frame of reference that lasts for a lifetime.

3. Simplify - Responsiveness in Friendship does not have to be complicated. In fact, simplicity is often overlooked and underrated. It’s the little things that mean so much. Simple gestures of encouragement reveal how conscientious and intentional we get to be in choosing our friendship responses.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) reminds us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” It does not take grand gestures to prove or provide sincere encouragement. Let us be mindful that we can respond to our friends with simple acts of kindness. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

· Text a scripture of encouragement

· Send a card in the mail with words that inspire encouragement

· Leave a voicemail message with words of affirmation filled with encouragement

· Create a Marco Polo (or other video recording) sharing words of encouragement or even a prayer of encouragement for your friend

None of these ideas cost money. The only thing it will cost you is a bit of your time. Yet, they are simple enough that you can easily do them to communicate a timely and noteworthy response to your friend.

Be led by the Holy Spirit, and you will discern with wisdom which simple acts of encouragement are most authentic and appropriate in any given situation. It is my hope that one of these three suggestions may be just the primer or reminder you needed in order to become more aware, practical, and deliberate in being a responsive friend.